It has been a while since I visited this space. The absence I thought, had been caused by a lack of inspiration and an inability to focus. I could say there has been too much going on. However, I think it has been more about fear and not living in the moment enough to pay attention to life unfolding around me. My inspiration to express my experiences is usually drawn from everything around me, if I’m paying attention and living in the moment. I forgot that for more than a few weeks…but I remembered it this morning.
I have been experiencing a lot of “life related” stuff lately; no different that what anyone goes through – some experiences more positive than others. My beautiful daughter graduated high school and that event brought family and good friends around. I was really missing my family lately, so their visit was timely. My parents, my brother and his family and my cousin were able to visit and I was thankful they came. However, I missed my sister, who was not able to come. I thought about my daughter’s future and what it would hold for her. I thought about her relationship and how that would affect things. I thought about her boyfriend’s situation and what that would mean for the future. I thought about my other children and worried about what the coming year had in store for them – driving, jobs, sports, school. I worried about what the next few months would look like in my life. I worried about how my wife was absorbing all of the comings and goings of things from the past, now occupying her present. So many things happening all at once and while everyone seemed to be having a great time, I was not in the moment. As everyone smiled and expressed themselves and thanked us for the great time they had, I realized I may have missed it. I was happy everyone was there. I felt good making everyone comfortable, but I wasn’t present. I wasn’t feeling the moments. I had spent a lot of that time thinking about the past, and how I could have done things better, the future and what it would hold…so much so, I missed the great moments happening in front of me..and I didn’t even know it.
This morning in the quiet and stillness of the morning air, I read something that made me realize what had happened. A passage from Mark Nepo:
“Tragedy stays alive by feeling what’s been done to us, while peace comes alive by living with the results”
You would think that after all this time, I would know this. I shouldn’t need to miss great moments. I created this space to help myself and others not fall into that trap…yet for a moment I forgot, and as a result, I may have missed a lot of great moments. But that has passed and as I realized that, I did feel it was great to be with my parents, and that it was wonderful to watch my daughter graduate, it was great to spend time with family and friends and that all of the uncertainty that led up to the visits led to good times and smiling faces and that the excitement and uncertainty of the future would at least make things interesting.
So as I sat there in the morning air, I listened to the sounds of the many birds around and breathed in. I noticed the shades of green in the leaves and the texture of the bark of the tree beside me and breathed out. I smelled the coffee in my cup and enjoyed the rich scent as I breathed in. I noticed the slight chill at my feet of the morning air as I breathed out. I noticed the sun getting brighter as it crept up in to the sky, and I thought to myself, this is a great moment…and I breathed in and breathed out every moment I was experiencing, and was thankful for the reminder to be more present…to enjoy every moment.